i’ve been in situations before where mid-fuck i’m not into it anymore. it could be a mood change, something feeling off, or my feelings about the person change. i think its interesting how we as a society address telling men no. cause we don’t. men are taught to covet but not how to respond when we don’t get what we expect. we teach men that the first no is foreplay and that if we keep asking we can get them to relent. we teach men coercion. we don’t teach people how to navigate horny men full of adrenaline and expectations.

as men we’re raised to believe that any emotional response is valid and most of us don’t evaluate our own traumas. most of us don’t question our egos, pick apart our desires or examine what’s made us feel unsafe in the past. we should be learning more ways to respect people than looking for justifications to not. differentiating between getting off and human connection is a choice. how we relate to the illusion of masculinity is a choice. coming to terms with our understanding of power and sense of security is a choice.

a lot of us men need a hug more than we need a nut and some of our own red flags don’t become apparent until arousal. i don’t think enough of us consider the nonchalant dominance we perpetuate in our actions. its okay to reevaluate what turns you on, disagree, and change your behavior. gaslighting, deflection, and feigned ignorance are all tools taught to boys to keep in their back pocket that men need to make a conscious effort not to revert to. consent can be taken away at any moment and we should check in with the people we’re sexually engaging with. we should all be able to tell men NO in a way that can end the interaction amicably and safely. men should be able to know what a ‘no’ sounds, looks, and feels like. just as white folks are reckoning with being racist or anti-racist, men need to evaluate how we contribute to rape culture and foster unsafe environments.

that part in the episode where the guy holds his hands down on kwame’s wrists to assert dominance and see how he’ll fight back reminded me of arm wresting matches in school cheered on by male teachers. that shit can be hot if you’re on the same page, but not if a man is putting his body weight on yours and ignoring your discomfort in lieu of his pleasure. i’ve seen men switch up during sex and have had to assert that that whole ‘ask for forgiveness, not permission’ thing doesn’t apply here.

fuck men who take advantage of other’s bodies. fuck men who project their insecurities onto women. fuck men who use sex as a weapon. fuck men who don’t create a safe environment for others. fuck men who need to coerce to get off. fuck men who won’t take accountability and choose not to heal.